stories/hillarygetsnodfromlabour.html

Submitted by Bill St. Clair on Mon, 06 Nov 2000 21:56:04 GMT
Hillary Gets Nod from Labour

London (AP) - Late today word came out of the Hillary For Any Office campaign headquarters that Hillary Clinton will lead Labour party's quest to recapture 10 Downing Street.

It's been an interesting run for the ex-First Carpetbagger from the colonies. After her failed attempt to capture the vacated Senate seat in New York, she promptly began a listening tour in the U.K. Accompanied by the likes of U2, Sinead O'Connor and the Clancey Brothers, she apparently didn't hear much. In a conference held shortly after the announcement, she was asked why she was attempting to build grass roots support for an English election with Irish musicians. Mrs. Clinton said that she had temporarily lost those e-mails.

Shortly after the news conference, the Clintons' booking agent Flannery O'Shea was found dead in his office, an apparent victim of suicide. Sources close to the investigation inside Scotland Yard report that some of his papers have gone missing. They say that it's unlikely that they were related to the e-mails.

Mrs. Clinton was able to qualify as a candidate several months prior by sub-letting several rooms in Westminster. Sources close to the Queen report that this was done for a cost exceeding half a million pounds. These funds were secured with assistance from Al Gore, the son of a black sharecropper from Tennessee, and commodities broker to Mrs. Clinton. When asked how he was able to supply the necessary money, he replied, "I invented fund raising."

In a related story from his home state, no nuclear technology has yet been transferred to Beijing this week. (See sidebar.)

During the days leading up to the announcement. Mrs. Clinton has been repeatedly questioned about her comprehension of England, English issues, and her even greater lack of knowledge of the English political system. She tried to answer these points at today's conference. Wearing a stylish cap emblazoned with the logo of the Manchester United football team and drinking Earl Grey tea from a Folger's mug, she said that she and her husband William The Impeached had long been fans of all things English. Mr. Clinton, in fact, had frolicked for some time at one of England's most prestigious universities while shirking his military duties back home. And she pointed out that, "(He) has a great affinity for cigars, just like Winston Churchill!"

As for the actual workings of the government, she said it was of little consequence, as her IT specialist and political consultant Al Gore, "...had a plan to reinvent that anyway." When asked later to comment, Mr. Gore said, "I invented coalitions."

In a related story form New Mexico's Los Alamos Laboratories, no nuclear technology has yet been transferred to Beijing this week. (See sidebar.)

[Thanks to SkipLobs for writing this fine newspiece.]

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