His white scarf streaming out behind ...
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE DATED JULY 29, 2001
THE LIBERTARIAN, By Vin Suprynowicz
His white scarf streaming out behind ...
"Even someone suffering from end-stage syphilis-induced insanity would not fall for such a transparent scam. Right?" asks Morrock News columnist John David Powell (http://morrock.com/powell2.htm.)
"Wrong. The U.S. Secret Service says hundreds of millions of dollars are lost each year to this scheme, and the toll is mounting. ...
"It's called the Advance Fee Fraud, or the 4-1-9 scheme, named for the section in the Nigerian penal code that addresses fraud scams. The 4-1-9 is so widespread and successful that the Secret Service has set up 'Operation 4-1-9' within its Financial Crimes Division. Each day they receive about 100 telephone calls from victims or potential victims and as many as 500 letters or faxes. Agents have been assigned to the U.S. Embassy in Lagos to address the problem and to help larcenous and stupid U.S. businessmen get out of the country. ... An American participant was murdered in 1995," Powell reports.
You get an e-mail from someone in Africa, proposing to defraud the local authorities of their share of millions of dollars. They just need an overseas co-conspirator with a bank account into which they can shovel the loot by international wire transfer. But they don't know any foreigners, so they got your name from the "Chamber of Commerce." For a 30 or 35 percent share, all you have to do is send them your bank account number, name, address, phone ...
Personally, I've received so many of the offers I now have a separate e-mailbox named "African Opportunities."
An early one came from one Fatima Dengo, "the daughter of Dr. S.J. Dengo, who was the director, International Remittance Central Bank of Sierra-Leone until he was assassinated by the rebel junta. ..."
Ms. Dengo had $35 million which she needed to my help to get out of the Republic of Togo.
Then came Mrs. Mariam Abacha (impressively introduced by her attorney, "Mike Ugboma.") The "widow of the late Gen. Sanni Abacha former Nigerian Military Head of State who died mysteriously as a result of Cardiac Arrest," Mrs. Abacha had "US $41.5 Million Dollars" which was "sealed in two Metal Boxes In Nigeria." And nobody but me could help her get them out, of course.
I started filing the offers based on creativity and literary merit, and noticed patterns emerging. A recurring theme involves a late, lamented mining engineer by the name of "Smith B. Andreas."
"Dear sir," wrote Mr. Mudy Edger, purportedly of Louis Botha Crescent, Sadton, South Africa, back on June 26, "In order to transfer out 126 million United States Dollars from African Development Bank, I have the courage to ask you to look for a reliable and honest person who will be capable for this important business. ...
"I am Mr Mudy edger, the Chief auditor of African Development Bank." (Do you suppose he'd mind if I borrowed his name for the protagonist of an existential detective novel?) "There is an account opened in this bank in 1980 and since 1990 nobody has operated on this account again. after going through some old files in the records I discovered that if I do not remit this money out urgently it will be forfeited for nothing. the owner of this account is Mr. Smith B. Andreas, a foreigner and a miner at kruger gold co. and he died since 1990. no other person knows about this account. ..." (Do these people really speak English that way, or is it just part of the act?)
All I have to do is send "full details of the account to be used for the deposit," and I'll end up with one third.
But my Uncle Smith's plane crash had mysteriously shifted from 1990 to 1997 by the time I heard from Dr. Koffi Kaku, of the Auditing and Accounting Unit, Foreign Remittance Department, International Bank of Africa, Lome-Togo:
"During our investigation and auditing in this bank, my department came across a very huge sum of money belonging to a deceased person who died on November 1997 in a plane crash and the fund has been dormant in his account ..." $14 million this time.
I replied:
Dear Dr. Kaku --
Wow! Upon his demise in the tragic accident in which his Ford Tri-motor encountered that massive swarm of tsetse flies over Lake Victoria, my beloved uncle Smith Andreas, noted hydrologist, veterinary researcher, and palladium magnate, left me ANOTHER bank account -- this one valued at U.S. $14 million -- and this time in Lome-Togo?
I didn't know he'd even BEEN to Lome-Togo.
For that matter, I didn't even know they'd added the "Lome." I thought that was some kind of traditional Hawaiian dish. But now, looking at the map, I see it's actually the CAPITAL of Togo. Live and learn!
Thanks for the news. I'll be sure to make a stop and claim these funds in between closing down Uncle Smith's equally moribund accounts in Nigeria and South Africa. (I'm amazed -- and gratified -- at how helpful all you African bank officers have been in contacting me about these misplaced funds.) I fear I will need some help with the international air fare, however, so please send me a bank "cashier's" or "treasurer's" check for U.S. $1,840 to: Vin Suprynowicz, c/o Las Vegas Review-Journal, 1111 W. Bonanza Road, Las Vegas, Nev. 89106, U.S.A., to facilitate my travel and further research.
(We're planning a memorial sculpture of my Uncle Smith, depicting his final moments --wiping the swarms of flies from the goggles of his leather flying cap, his white scarf streaming out behind as he plunged into the crocodile-infested waters. If you like, feel free to add a little something extra to help fund this endeavor. The full-size Tri-motor is going to take a lot of bronze. Not to mention the swarm of bronze tsetse flies. ...)
An apparently somewhat confused Dr. Kaku wrote back on July 24:
"Dear Vin Suprynowicz, How are you? Hope good.
"Please can you put me through because I don't understand what you are talking about in your mail send to me. Are you interested in the deal or not tell me so that I can go ahead and do the deal with you.Or you can tell me so that I can go ahead and look for bodyelse who can help me champion this deal. ..."
So I wrote back again:
Hi, Koffi -- It sounds like a WONDERFUL deal! Just send me that bank "cashier's" or "treasurer's" check for U.S. $1,840 and we'll get started!
This is a pittance, Koffi, compared to that $14 million we're going to split. I'm sure you don't want to let your share slip through your fingers, for the lack of a mere $1,840!
Meantime, feel free to add a little something extra for Uncle Smith's memorial sculpture, if you like. We're arranging to give it a place of honor on the ceiling of the cocktail lounge of the "Reserve" casino in Henderson ... or possibly next to Howard Hughes' old flight jacket at McCarran International Airport. ...
Vin Suprynowicz is assistant editorial page editor of the Las Vegas Review-Journal. Subscribe to his monthly newsletter by sending $72 to Privacy Alert, 561 Keystone Ave., Suite 684, Reno, NV 89503 -- or dialing 775-348-8591. His book, "Send in the Waco Killers: Essays on the Freedom Movement, 1993-1998," is available at 1-800-244-2224, or via web site www.thespiritof76.com/wacokillers.html.
Vin Suprynowicz, vin@lvrj.com
"When great changes occur in history, when great principles are involved, as a rule the majority are wrong. The minority are right." -- Eugene V. Debs (1855-1926)
"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed -- and thus clamorous to be led to safety -- by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary." -- H.L. Mencken
