stories/DemocratsDictionary.html

Submitted by Bill St. Clair on Sat, 10 Feb 2001 11:53:44 GMT

From http://www.americanpartisan.com/cols/munger.htm

AUTHOR INFORMATION Dave Munger is a regular columnist for the American Partisan Biography e-mail Miss an article? Check out the archives! JOIN THE DEBATE! CLICK HERE to share your love or outrage with this article! Dave Munger's "The Hand of Munger" The Democrats' Dictionary: Volume 3 by Dave Munger Friday June 30, 2000

ABNORMAL: Differing significantly from average, and lacking the political clout to force the AMA to redefine the definition of normalcy to include oneself. ARCH-CONSERVATIVE: Anyone further to the right than Hillary Clinton. ANTI-COMPETITIVE: Competitive. BITCH: 1. Derogatory term comparing unpleasant women to female dogs. Offensive to all women, since they are all actually the same person. 2. Complimentary term indicating that a woman is aggressive, like a man. COMPETITIVE: Anti-competitive. CONTRIBUTION: Tax money used to pay for free goods and services. DESTRUCTIVE: Substitute word for evil. Implies that destruction is inherently evil, without using the word evil. Useful for avoiding religious/moral connotations while promoting the view that everything that exists ought to continue existing, and the only way to change is in the creation of new entities. DEFENSE: 1. Fraudulent sector of the economy based on obsolete xenophobic paranoia. 2. Formerly referred to arguments used by people accused of crimes to demonstrate innocence. Now guilt is generally assumed and defense refers to arguments used to reduce or eliminate penalties. EPISCOPALIAN: A harmless variation on usually worrisome Judeo-Christian religion. Basically interchangeable with the terms Presbyterian, Wiccan, Methodist, Santeria, and Lutheran. GARBAGE: Persecuted class of inanimate objects. By discarding garbage, western civilization shows itself to be oppressively exploitative to the core. GOOD: The best kind of stated intentions, regardless of the outcome of the action to be undertaken or not undertaken. HATE: Disagreement. HUMAN: Species that is numerous, hence not as vital as less numerous species. Precise definitions of human vary according to state, statute, and circumstances. For instance, in many states, an embryo that is destroyed without it's mother's consent is considered human at any stage of development. IGNORANT: Not receptive to our reeducation attempts. INNOCENT: An insane criminal. Archaic: Not guilty by reason of having committed no offense. LIFE: For humans, the statutory condition that begins at the point when the state officially recognizes one's existence (usually at birth) and entitles the living to the privileges of liberty, self-esteem, legal protection from harm, and guaranteed security. LOVE: 1. Emotional state used to justify irrational acts. 2. Affection that people express for one another by voting to have the loved ones exempted from laws, or bestowing upon them wealth confiscated from the rich by the state. MAJORITY: 1. The voters, when Democrats are elected. 2. The disenfranchised, unfortunate, wretched refuse that responds to polls instead of voting. NON-IDEOLOGICAL: Subscribing to the global default ideology of Fabian socialism. OATH: A formal promise that is legally binding, for Republicans. OPPRESSION: 1. All resistance to any well intentioned proposal. 2. Any exploitation that is deemed insufficiently well intentioned by a popular vote, including exploitation of labor, natural resources, or one's own property, industriousness, or good fortune. OXYGEN: A gas put into Earth's atmosphere by trees, and removed in the same proportions when those trees die and are consumed by either fire, bacteria, or termites, which convert oxygen into greenhouse gasses. Therefore, anything that artificially interferes with this process, such as making the trees into paper before they die a natural death, endangers the oxygen supply. Since oxygen is vital to human life, Gaia may be compelled to destroy all human life, in order to maintain the supply of oxygen. PERSON: A legal fiction which is able to sue other persons, be sued by other legal fictions, pay taxes, and sell it's vote for money taken from other persons. QUALITY: That which is guaranteed of goods and services by federal regulations. State regulations guarantee less quality, and free markets guarantee a complete lack of quality. RIGHT: A franchise granted by the government, and/or a privilege that the majority of voters at a given time feel ought to be granted to citizens. SEXIST: Men who disagree with Patricia Ireland, or who do not support certain government programs. SOCIETY: The federal government or the super-federal government (the U.N). Sometimes referred to as "we". TAKE: To not give. TREES: Silent gods who mind their own business and even allow us to speak for them. UNPATRIOTIC: Overly critical of federal programs. VIOLENT: The type of conflicts that are caused by weapons. WEAPON: Formerly referred to instruments of violence, now the term is broadened to include symbols of destructive ideas, such as toy guns and irresponsible speech. X: 1. Movie rating indicating that the subject matter is offensive to people not cool enough to understand it. 2. Chromosome found in double sets in half the population. This makes them minorities, thus victims, and obligates them to attribute any personal success to the Democratic Party. XERXES: An ancient monarch that children are not taught about because he is mentioned in the Bible. YACHT: A luxury item that must be taxed to prevent wealthy people from buying them in the United States and exploiting American yacht builders by employing them. YOUNG: The voting block made up of people least likely to have their own children, thus potentially useful to us if we get to them in time to exploit their concern for the hypothetical well being of other people's children. Once they reproduce, they usually become more concerned about the actual well being of their own children, and they are often lost to us at that point. JOIN THE DEBATE! CLICK HERE to share your love or outrage with this article!

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Quotes

Government doesn't work. Never did. Never will. Can't. But there are lots of good people. Love them.

-- Bill St. Clair

The Atlanta Declaration

Every man, woman, and responsible child has an unalienable individual, civil, Constitutional, and human right to obtain, own, and carry, openly or concealed, any weapon -- rifle, shotgun, handgun, machinegun, anything -- any time, any place, without asking anyone's permission.

-- L. Neil Smith

Reread that pesky first clause of the Second Amendment. It doesn't say what any of us thought it said. What it says is that infringing the right of the people to keep and bear arms is treason. What else do you call an act that endangers "the security of a free state"? And if it's treason, then it's punishable by death. I suggest due process, speedy trials, and public hangings.

-- L. Neil Smith

A Penalty Clause for the Bill of Rights

Any official, appointed or elected, at any level of government, who attempts, through legislative act or other means, to nullify, evade, or avoid the provisions of the first ten amendments to this Constitution, or of the Thirteenth Amendment, shall be summarily removed from office, and, upon conviction, deprived of all pay and benefits including pension, and sentenced to imprisonment for life.

-- L. Neil Smith

Based on 253 journal articles, 99 books, 43 government publications, and some of its own empirical work, the panel couldn't identify a single gun control regulation that reduced violent crime, suicide or accidents.

-- John Lott, commenting on the National Academy of Sciences report on gun control laws.

Who is a libertarian?

Zero Aggression Principle ("Zap")

"A libertarian is a person who believes that no one has the right, under any circumstances, to initiate force against another human being, or to advocate or delegate its initiation. Those who act consistently with this principle are libertarians, whether they realize it or not. Those who fail to act consistently with it are not libertarians, regardless of what they may claim."

-- L. Neil Smith

(Formerly called the "Non-Aggression Principle", or "NAP")

Why Did It Have to be... Guns?

Make no mistake: all politicians -- even those ostensibly on the side of guns and gun ownership -- hate the issue and anyone, like me, who insists on bringing it up. They hate it because it's an X-ray machine. It's a Vulcan mind-meld. It's the ultimate test to which any politician -- or political philosophy -- can be put.

If a politician isn't perfectly comfortable with the idea of his average constituent, any man, woman, or responsible child, walking into a hardware store and paying cash -- for any rifle, shotgun, handgun, machinegun, anything -- without producing ID or signing one scrap of paper, he isn't your friend no matter what he tells you.

If he isn't genuinely enthusiastic about his average constituent stuffing that weapon into a purse or pocket or tucking it under a coat and walking home without asking anybody's permission, he's a four-flusher, no matter what he claims.

What his attitude -- toward your ownership and use of weapons -- conveys is his real attitude about you. And if he doesn't trust you, then why in the name of John Moses Browning should you trust him?

-- L. Neil Smith

Concise

"Tell me," I was once asked, "What do you think about gun control? Give me the short answer." To which I replied, "If you try to take our firearms we will kill you."

-- Mike Vanderboegh

Also from The Atlanta Declaration:

... like going to the bathroom, breathing, eating, sleeping, or making love, it turns out that self-defense is a bodily function one cannot safely or effectively delegate to a second party.

-- L. Neil Smith

This does not mean that "Marijuana should be available by prescription." It means that morphine sulfate should be available in five pound bags at the supermarket for a couple of bucks, like sugar... but probably in a different aisle, to avoid confusion.

-- Vin Suprynowicz

If you refuse to pay unjust taxes, your property will be confiscated. If you attempt to defend your property, you will be arrested. If you resist arrest, you will be clubbed. If you defend yourself against clubbing, you will be shot dead. These procedures are known as the Rule of Law.

-- Edward Abbey

The state can only survive as long as a majority is programmed to believe that theft isn't wrong if it's called taxation or asset forfeiture or eminent domain, that assault and kidnapping isn't wrong if it's called arrest, that mass murder isn't wrong if it's called war.

-- Bill St. Clair